“Black women’s stories look a lot different from what you’ve heard. And when black women speak for themselves, the picture presented is nuanced, empowering, and hopeful”
I woke up one morning a few weeks ago and did what I usually do: check TheShadeRoom, Facebook, Twitter, xoNecole, and Clutch Magazine. The first thing I saw on most of these sites were reports of Outkast member Big Boi displaying his rampant misogynoir. *shocking*. I immediately went to his personal social media sites where I saw that he had proudly posted a meme that got him the backlash he clearly deserved.
The meme depicted a fictitious Black mother and daughter along side a young Black woman “bussin’ it open” in front of her child. Big Boi, whose message was cosigned by Snoop Dogg, believes that mother “bussin’ it open” in front of their children is the reason why something “is wrong” with “these kids”. Big Boi: The same man who reportedly had a child with one of the women he deemed a problem. The problem with this? Well, there’s more than one. Not only does it compartmentalize (Black) women, it takes responsibility off of the Black man. This is extremely important, especially considering Big Boi is the prime example of a hypocritical Black man who covets the women he publicly shames. Before I began this post, I had to create a list of everything bothering me, all of the hatred and disdain for and against Black women is plaguing.
- I was being “pursued” by a 26 year old St Louis “rapper”. Cool kid, nice guy, but his conversation was fake deep and faux intelligent. I would go to his Facebook page every now and then only to see the most contradicting set of posts. One post would be that of dark skinned Black women, usually in a Bikini with a caption such as “Melanin Rich Goddess of the Sun”. It would be followed by posts that expressed anti police brutality sentiments & deep seated hatred of weave on Black women.
- Not too long after I started the Facebook group for my organization, Black Girl Solidarity, it quickly began to grow and eventually a friend of mine added one of her friends from home. The young woman was very outspoken about a lot of things, but willfully ignorant to so much more. She HATED Lemonade, but here’s the catch- she hadn’t seen it. She pledged a sorority and publicly reiterated that she didn’t care if she ever formed relationships with any of her new sisters. She was negative, ignorant and childish to say the least. Eventually, she hopped in my inbox to express her disdain for the way I … am and my response led to her blocking me and encouraging me to remove her from the group. I could tell that those sentiments of anti-Blackness were deeply rooted in her psyche and she was hell bent on keeping them firmly in tact.
- Ciara’s custody battle with her piss poor baby daddy, Future has rocked the internet. She’s been called everything but “Ciara”, and all because she didn’t want her to son to be around Future who is now a confessed suicidal codeine addict with a fetish for complaining about women he can’t have.
- Blac Chyna. My love for this young woman has grown immensely over the past year or so. Her recent engagement and pregnancy is a win for Hoe Twitter but has sparked conversation about what “type of woman” is really worthy of a ring.
- Colorism: In the BGS facebook group, we recently began discussing colorism and a few of the lighter skinned women don’t believe that it’s that serious an issue. “Aren’t we all Black?”, “If we keep talking about it, we’re just feeding into the problem.” On the contrary, my dear. If we ignore it, we’re setting the tone and sending the message that its okay, therefore leading to a continuous division and diversion in our communities. Light skinned Black girls have their Blackness questioned. Dark skinned Black girls have their humanity questioned.
- Chris Brown’s Daughter, Royalty: Royalty recently began dance classes and her mother posted a photo on Instagram that pissed her daddy off. Chris believed that the picture was too grown and made his 2 year old look like a 16 year old (you know, 16 years old, the age that Chris Brown starts preying on your daughter). By sexualizing his daughter, CB subconsciously revealed an inner fear that his beautiful baby girl would one day encounter a man just like him.
6. This hateful, disgusting meme: I had no words for it, but this is for all of those who supported Alicia Keys & her no makeup movement but bashed Keke palmer when she posted her no makeup selfie(s). This is for those who love light skinned clear faces, but couldn’t understand why Viola Davis was cool with removing her wig on HTGAWM.
All of my conversations are about Black women and recently, I’ve felt burdened when being online due to what seems like an increase in anti-blackness towards Black women. I’ve been able to conclude a few things:
Black men & boys would not be here if it weren’t for the black women in your life who have fought to keep you happy and alive. However, all they ever do is sit around and continue to degrade black women based on things such as hairstyles/wardrobe/skin tone/dialect etc. Black women have always loved black men just for being Black men. Meanwhile, they hate Black women just for being… Black women. Growing up in the Black community, it is extremely likely and plausible that one will have an immense amount of internalized misogynoir. I’m always nervous when people are having their little black girls. I’m always looking out for little black girls. I’m always going to be supportive of little black girls. Black girls/femmes deserve the world. I am a black woman before I am anything else. White women do not represent me. Non-Black women of color do not represent me. Black men do not represent me. I find neither solace nor solidarity in any of these groups and their accomplishments mean nothing to me, as a Black woman.How can modern feminists discuss rape culture/sexual assault without even addressing the widespread, legalized rape and sexual assault+mutilation of millions of enslaved black girls (often starting as young as 13/14) committed by Black and White men for centuries? Many cishet Black men are becoming increasingly are weak, ignorant, misogynistic, (interpersonally) violent. Black women speaking up about our bad treatment in society makes people uncomfortable because they are so comfortable with our bad treatment in society. It’s so telling to me that when you call Black men out about their behavior, they react the same way white people do when we call them out about racism.
Over the next few days, I’ll be writing more about Moya Bailey and her contribution to the Black femme community, along with discussions about Black men as oppressors and liaisons of oppression for white folx.